Woe is JK Rowling
by Rosabell
Summary: A series of rhymes that makes fun of Harry Potter characters. I don't know if anyone else tried this but I'm doing it anyway. This is purely for fun, and I only have a few characters up. Some rhymes are not that funny but who cares! Just read and review!
1. Default Chapter

Woe is JK Rowling!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Old Dumbledore the headmaster

Is really not that old,

Why he should grow that long white beard

We're never really told.

He's keen of eye and keen of ear,

A perfect set of teeth,

He grows the beard because he wants

To hide what's underneath.

HARRY POTTER

When Harry came into this world

He most likely didn't know

That the death of his loving parents

Would put on quite a show.

He tried to make his life worthwhile

He didn't get too far—

The only things we care about:

His glasses and his scar.

RONALD WEASLEY

Though Ronald Weasley eats a lot

From morning till the night,

Through years of growing big and tall

He isn't very bright.

He reads few books, his grades are poor,

He's really rather dim.

If his parents change their budget they

Should really start with him.

HERMIONE GRANGER

Hermione came to Hogwarts and

A note was all it took.

She plans to study hard and

Get her nose stuck on a book.

Of all her friends and housemates

She's the smartest witch in town,

The only bad thing is her hair

Goes up instead of down.

DRACO MALFOY

Though Malfoy is the villain and

More useless than his dad;

The many backfired plans he made

Are really really sad.

Just recently when he turned to

A cousin of the squirrels—

But even if he doesn't win

He'll never want for girls.

LORD VOLDEMORT

Old Tom for all his arrogance

And power he did hold;

Can kill entire families

But not a one-year-old.

It's not his fear of guilt, if

He should turn on his deathbed—

The Lord did try to kill him, but

The child killed Him instead.

SEVERUS SNAPE

Snape wears black clothing all the time

(He's sadly colorblind),

He thinks if he's in black then he'll be

Much harder to find.

The marauders he's still afraid

Would come, he'll know not where,—

He took to learning potions to

Protect his messed up hair.

JAMES POTTER

Of all his friends the Marauders

James had the shortest life,

He saved his son, but the others gave

The credit to his wife.

Perhaps Rowling felt sorry so

She wrote of him instead,

To the point where he is living,

And his son's the one who's dead.

LORD VOLDEMORT II

In legends and in myths he is

A funny work of art,

He's not as great as Sauron as

He isn't very smart.

In all his power, glory, he gets

Killed by a little child,

And when he's back to try again

The pressure drove him wild.

If we should use him as the lead

And calculate the sum,

We'd find that many Slytherins

Are actually quite dumb.

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE II

Though Albus taught for many years

Including You-Know-Who,

He could kill Dark Lord Number One

But can't kill Number Two.

In fact, he doesn't even know

Where the Dark Lord is.

For such a great and wise old guy,

What kind of thing is this?

I know ferrets are not considered relatives of squirrels, but technically if Charles Darwin is correct, they are very _very _distant cousins.


	2. Chapter 2

Woe is JK Rowling!

LILLY POTTER

Her theme for Harry's author

From the start was rather sore,

The manners of her sister

And beliefs are rather poor.

She must have been a cruel girl

Or she was until the end,

From what the author showed us

Lilly never had a friend.

SIRIUS BLACK

Of all the Marauders he is

The second one to die,

He either thought he can't be killed

Or thought that he could fly.

In any case, he's hit dead on,

Went laughing to his grave,

As his godson cries for someone

He was not supposed to save.

REMUS LUPIN

From when he's born, it's well known he's

Not destined to be rich,

And never in his long days would

He ever meet the witch.

For he has an unjust hatred for

The romantic and full moon,

And in his mouth when he was born

They never found the spoon.

PETER PETTIGREW

When James switched Secret Keepers

He did not remember that

It's not hard to be a traitor

When one turns into a rat.

This fact eluded everyone

But to dampen that joy;

He spent a few years next to him

Yet failed to kill a boy.

HAGRID

Dear Hagrid is a giant

And must have had monstrous feet,

But Rowling failed to mention

The amount he needs to eat.

He eats at his own hut therefore

The house-elves have no say;

At the rate this world is going

He'll need twenty meals a day.

MINERVA MCGONAGALL

The fact that we know more about

The Slytherins than she

Shows us which of the two Houses

JK Rowling'd rather be.

She's there since the beginning,

But her story never grew,

Through the lack of information

She belongs inside a zoo.

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM

If you hear a loud explosion

Then you know it must be he;

Through his antics we will realize

How our weapons came to be.

Because of this he loses the

Most points of all his house,

But if Harry kills the Dark Lord

Nev will kill everyone else.

GINEVRA WEASLEY

If Harry says he hates her,

Ron will stab him in the back.

If Harry says he loves her,

Ron will have a heart-attack.

For Ginny is the only girl

For generations hence,

So if Ginny marries Harry

She has very little sense.

LUCIUS MALFOY

This chap like many others was

Outsmarted by a kid.

Although he boasts of purity

He must have felt stupid.

And yet with all the time he spent

And all he would afford,

He's better suited to become

The leader than his Lord.

FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY

The author never told us

Which is Gred and which is Forge,

But there must have been a reason

Why it wasn't Fed or Gorge.

It would have been much funnier

As funny pranksters might—

Most probably it was because

Of Ronald's appetite.

CORNELIUS FUDGE

When JK Rowling wrote him down

He must have felt quite sad.

He's Minister and yet the part he played

Was small and bad.

He tried to make his part crucial

But what he doesn't know:

If you're useless from the start

Useless is where you'll have to go.

OLIVER WOOD

The first year he was seen to be

The Keeper of the goals,

And told Harry at Wood's first match

He was struck down by head-blows.

Though Harry did revere him

This young man is not too smart;

In Quidditch games why did he not

Wear helmets from the start?

SIRIUS BLACK II

Though Black is dead, if he had lived,

Or had returned, he may

End up having a real Muggle for his

Future fiancé.

Though he dated many girls throughout

His youthful, teenage years,

The only ones who are interested in

Him now are readers.

LILLY POTTER II

When Voldemort came knocking,

It is obvious if she

Had just stood there yelling, screaming

She will never get mercy.

If she had at least thrown things

Or had punched him in the face,

Then in Harry Potter's life

She might have occupied more space.


End file.
